Big change

As I lay in bed last night there was a million things going through my head. Our bedroom was pitch black but I was still kind of looking at the ceiling and tried to count the sheep, so my brain would fall quiet and I can finally fall asleep. I kept on running a list in my head, what else needs to be done at the house and how much money it will cost.

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We bought a house and now we have finally moved in.  I don´t remember us spending so much money in one month on home renovation. By now we have exhausted all our resources and I lay awake at night and worry about that. It is very hard to switch off my brain. It is always working.

The reason why I haven´t written anything  to my blog lately,  is just that, I was holding a hammer, a drill, a paintbrush or I was mopping and vacuuming. The list is long.  Also, we still have a lot of boxes to unpack……

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Leaving the city, the apartment, where I have lived the past 8 years, was very difficult. I was so sad and very emotional. I also left my work and now I am officially a housewife. Leaving my work, the 2 adorable kids, it was heartbreaking. The last 2 days at work I just could not stop crying. The last day was the worst.

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And although we really deeply disliked our rental apartment, it was still home and as I mopped that one last time, this bitter clomp came to my throat, I was unable to speak and tears started running down my cheeks. I literally felt the pain in my chest, I have never experienced anything like that before. It was like somebody had just died. I guess part of me kind of did that day….but there was so many good memories that came to me, running like a movie…

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On our way to the new house (around 1 am), where I feel absolutely fabulous,  I cried. I cried almost the entire hour and a half, when we were driving away from the city.  I love our new home, the big kitchen, that won me over and our awesome backyard with the pool but still something did not let me be happy at that moment. We were finally free of the leaky ceiling and all the drama that surrounded that apartment and I was still sad….somehow I looked back and not forward….

And in the next morning, the very first day in our new house, very exhausted and with puffy eyes I wondered what this new life will bring us ….

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