Every month, at some point, I feel the need to go to church. I feel drawn to the church and I feel connected to the church but for some reason I can never get myself there.
I like to sleep and I hate to wake up early on Sunday morning and cannot get myself out the door to actually go to church. I guess I just haven’t found a church here that I feel connected to or that is close enough to me. And honestly, walking into a church is a bit intimidating as well.
I have owned several bibles in the past. I was in bible studies when I was younger but my parents forbade me to go at one point and locked me up in my room because they thought I was turning “nutty”. I guess I was getting very serious about my faith. My parents do not believe in god. So after that incident I was forbidden to go to the bible studies that I loved so much. My friends all went there and I did not see any harm in it. I was maybe 11 years old.
But I do remember going to the bible studies camp for a few days. I still remember it. I wonder how I was allowed going in there…..but it was a lot of fun!
When I was 24 I got myself baptized, since I was a grown up by then, nobody could stand in my way. My mom even came to the ceremony.
Last fall I bought a bible and sometimes I pick it up and read it. I remember one verse of it so clear, one that I had to learned for my bible studies.
John 1:14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
And my struggle continues…..